Well, so much for writing here on a regular basis. I honestly don't know where the time has gone.
I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant, so over halfway through. I can feel the baby moving a lot now. Not from the outside yet, but certainly internally. He's moving around right now, as a matter of fact. We haven't decided on any names yet. Well, I have, but the husband doesn't like the name I've chosen, and is supposed to come up with suggestions of his own...which he hasn't done yet. I'm totally going to win this battle.
Being pregnant is weird. I mean, yes, I'm happy and all that, but it's still odd to experience. I had a relatively easy first trimester -- no real morning sickness, just really, really tired. I'm still tired. My hips constantly hurt, but that was the case when I wasn't pregnant. Emotionally, I'm happy and terrified. We haven't done much to prepare for the baby, largely because the nursery is going to be in my office...and I have a difficult time getting rid of my stuff. There are times when I feel like I'm the only one who has to deal with major changes because of the baby -- changes in my body, getting rid of tons of books to make room for the nursery, changing my work schedule. So much responsibility, and I'm scared I won't be a good mom. This is all normal, right?
I'm proctoring an exam right now, and all I want to do is sleep. I could be catching up on my grading, but instead I'm blogging and thinking about Christmas. For financial reasons, Christmas has to be low-key this year, and I'm trying to think of homemade gifts that people won't hate. I'm not crafty, so it will have to be something related to food. We'll see.
I'm going to go hover over students right now. Good times!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wicked Tired
Sorry, folks, for not posting in 6 months. I'm not quite sure where the time went. Plenty has happened since March, and I'm not quite sure why I've been avoiding blogging. It could be that I'm wicked tired all of the time, and typing is just too much of an effort.
The biggest news is that I'm pregnant! I'm 14 weeks along, and due March 14th. It came as a (very happy) surprise back in July, and I'm very excited. I've been very lucky, not having had much morning sickness. But I've been so, so tired that I just want to sleep every second of the day. Which was (almost) fine over the summer when I was only working 20 hours a week with a very flexible schedule. Now that I'm back to teaching, well...there's not much time for napping.
Speaking of teaching, I have class in 55 minutes. Which means some last minute prepping and copying for me.
I promise, though, that I'll keep up with this blog for the two of you who read it.
Peace!
The biggest news is that I'm pregnant! I'm 14 weeks along, and due March 14th. It came as a (very happy) surprise back in July, and I'm very excited. I've been very lucky, not having had much morning sickness. But I've been so, so tired that I just want to sleep every second of the day. Which was (almost) fine over the summer when I was only working 20 hours a week with a very flexible schedule. Now that I'm back to teaching, well...there's not much time for napping.
Speaking of teaching, I have class in 55 minutes. Which means some last minute prepping and copying for me.
I promise, though, that I'll keep up with this blog for the two of you who read it.
Peace!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Tuesday Afternoon Ramblings
I'm on Spring Break this week. Well, sort of. I have to tutor tomorrow and Thursday, and I'm attending a conference on Friday.
I haven't done anything productive the past few days. I had grand visions of de-cluttering and donating books to the library. Instead, I've been reading, napping, and researching homesteading. I've been sick (cold/flu) for the past few weeks and haven't had the energy to do anything.
Also, I seem to get stuck researching things instead of just doing them. For example, I want to start making more of my own bread. I've been researching sourdough starters for about a week now, and am stuck trying to decide if I want to make my own starter or buy an established one. I'll think myself in circles for days, weeks, until I become obsessed with something else.
I want to live a simple life. I want to grow my own food, make my own clothes, etc. I think about it all the time, but I never do anything about it. I'm so frustrated with myself.
I need to set some definite goals and work toward them. I can't afford to be stuck anymore.
I haven't done anything productive the past few days. I had grand visions of de-cluttering and donating books to the library. Instead, I've been reading, napping, and researching homesteading. I've been sick (cold/flu) for the past few weeks and haven't had the energy to do anything.
Also, I seem to get stuck researching things instead of just doing them. For example, I want to start making more of my own bread. I've been researching sourdough starters for about a week now, and am stuck trying to decide if I want to make my own starter or buy an established one. I'll think myself in circles for days, weeks, until I become obsessed with something else.
I want to live a simple life. I want to grow my own food, make my own clothes, etc. I think about it all the time, but I never do anything about it. I'm so frustrated with myself.
I need to set some definite goals and work toward them. I can't afford to be stuck anymore.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Saying Goodbye
I've been staring at the screen for almost 10 minutes, trying to figure out a way to write about this without crying. It's not possible.
Emerson passed away the evening of January 24th.
When I woke up that morning, I knew that he wasn't going to make it to the next day. His eyes were different...spacey, not very aware. I brought him into the living room with me, and cuddled with him for a little while. At one point, he got up and jumped off the the chair. He wasn't able to walk, and ended up flopping down on the floor, in a space where the sun was shining.
He spent most of the day lying on the floor in the bathroom, staring into space. He did come out to the kitchen a few times to try and eat a little, and each time I found myself hoping I'd have one more day with him. I stayed in the bathroom with him, lying down on the floor next to him. I covered us up with a blanket, and just talked to him. Even though he didn't seem too aware, he did purr, and occasionally put his paw on my hand or arm.
Chad and I were supposed to go to a Burns Supper that night, but I decided to stay home with Emerson. Soon after Chad left, I decided to take a bubble bath and read. That way, I could keep an eye on Emerson but still give him some space. Around 9pm, I noticed that he was gasping for air. I got out of the tub, not even bothering to dry off, and sat by him. He continued to gasp for air, and his whiskers and legs began to twitch. A few minutes later, he took his last breath.
I've known for months that the end was coming. I'd spent the past several weeks spending as much time with him as possible, saying goodbye to him every night in case he died during the night. Emerson knew that he was loved, and I know that he loved me. Knowing all of that, though, didn't make the end any easier. It breaks my heart that the last thing he heard was his mother sobbing.
I'd decided long ago to have him cremated, and since he passed away on a weekend, I had to keep his body cold until I could take him to the vet's office. Putting him a box and petting him one final time was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I couldn't bring myself to close the box. I realize that what was left was just a shell of a body. But that body, that fur, those eyes, had brought such joy and comfort to me. How could I say goodbye? I had to force myself to close the box, tape it up, and put it in the garage.
I have to keep busy, otherwise I think about him and just cry. Even though I have three other cats to love, and who love me, it's not the same. He was such an integral part of my life, that almost everything I do reminds me of him, or reminds me that he's gone.
I miss him.
Emerson passed away the evening of January 24th.
When I woke up that morning, I knew that he wasn't going to make it to the next day. His eyes were different...spacey, not very aware. I brought him into the living room with me, and cuddled with him for a little while. At one point, he got up and jumped off the the chair. He wasn't able to walk, and ended up flopping down on the floor, in a space where the sun was shining.
He spent most of the day lying on the floor in the bathroom, staring into space. He did come out to the kitchen a few times to try and eat a little, and each time I found myself hoping I'd have one more day with him. I stayed in the bathroom with him, lying down on the floor next to him. I covered us up with a blanket, and just talked to him. Even though he didn't seem too aware, he did purr, and occasionally put his paw on my hand or arm.
Chad and I were supposed to go to a Burns Supper that night, but I decided to stay home with Emerson. Soon after Chad left, I decided to take a bubble bath and read. That way, I could keep an eye on Emerson but still give him some space. Around 9pm, I noticed that he was gasping for air. I got out of the tub, not even bothering to dry off, and sat by him. He continued to gasp for air, and his whiskers and legs began to twitch. A few minutes later, he took his last breath.
I've known for months that the end was coming. I'd spent the past several weeks spending as much time with him as possible, saying goodbye to him every night in case he died during the night. Emerson knew that he was loved, and I know that he loved me. Knowing all of that, though, didn't make the end any easier. It breaks my heart that the last thing he heard was his mother sobbing.
I'd decided long ago to have him cremated, and since he passed away on a weekend, I had to keep his body cold until I could take him to the vet's office. Putting him a box and petting him one final time was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I couldn't bring myself to close the box. I realize that what was left was just a shell of a body. But that body, that fur, those eyes, had brought such joy and comfort to me. How could I say goodbye? I had to force myself to close the box, tape it up, and put it in the garage.
I have to keep busy, otherwise I think about him and just cry. Even though I have three other cats to love, and who love me, it's not the same. He was such an integral part of my life, that almost everything I do reminds me of him, or reminds me that he's gone.
I miss him.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Emerson
On May 1, 1998, I was wandering around Stockertown, PA, looking for a yard sale. I was on a back road, lost, when I came around a corner to find a car stopped in the middle of the road. A woman was standing by the open passenger side door, looking distressed. I stopped, and got out of the car to see if I could help. She told me that a cat was stuck under her car. I bent down, and saw a white cat, crouched underneath the car. I called him, and he came right to me. When I picked him up, he put his arms around me as if he were hugging me. The woman got in her car, and left.
The cat was pure white, wasn't dirty, so I didn't think he was a stray. Otherwise, he would have been dirty and thin. To this day, I believe that he belonged to that woman, and she was getting rid of her cat. He was friendly, so I put him in the backseat of my car, took him home, and named him Emerson Stuart Bacon. He quickly became the love of my life.
Emerson is dying. I found out in October that he has lymphoma. Because of his age (estimated to be 14 or 15 years old), I decided not to go through with surgery to remove the tumor in his spleen, and not to go through with radiation treatments. The vet said that he may not have survived the surgery, and the trips for the radiation treatment may have stressed him out too much. So, I decided to just enjoy whatever time I had left with him.
For the past several months, he's steadily lost weight, and spends most of his time sleeping. But he still had a good appetite, purred, still loved to cuddle, and seemed ok. The past few days, though, he's been having diarrhea. Yesterday, he had it in the dining room.
I know that soon, I'll have to make a very difficult decision. I don't want him to suffer. But I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to say goodbye. It absolutely breaks my heart. I don't think I can do it.
The cat was pure white, wasn't dirty, so I didn't think he was a stray. Otherwise, he would have been dirty and thin. To this day, I believe that he belonged to that woman, and she was getting rid of her cat. He was friendly, so I put him in the backseat of my car, took him home, and named him Emerson Stuart Bacon. He quickly became the love of my life.
Emerson is dying. I found out in October that he has lymphoma. Because of his age (estimated to be 14 or 15 years old), I decided not to go through with surgery to remove the tumor in his spleen, and not to go through with radiation treatments. The vet said that he may not have survived the surgery, and the trips for the radiation treatment may have stressed him out too much. So, I decided to just enjoy whatever time I had left with him.
For the past several months, he's steadily lost weight, and spends most of his time sleeping. But he still had a good appetite, purred, still loved to cuddle, and seemed ok. The past few days, though, he's been having diarrhea. Yesterday, he had it in the dining room.
I know that soon, I'll have to make a very difficult decision. I don't want him to suffer. But I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to say goodbye. It absolutely breaks my heart. I don't think I can do it.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Freezing Monday
Our furnace died over the weekend. It's been dying over the past few weeks, but we (I) didn't have time to call a repairperson to come and fix it. But it died a final death Saturday afternoon. We didn't want to bother anyone on a weekend, so we just bundled up and endured the coldness. It's around 50 degrees in the house, and it was down to 12 degrees outside last night. It's cold.
I left two messages for a repair person this morning, but no one has called me back yet. Hmpf.
I'm officially on winter break now, but I still have to grade finals and papers today. Grades must be posted by tonight. We used to have until after the new year, but they changed that this year. Hmpf.
Once I'm finished grading, I don't think I'll know what to do with myself. The past several months have been filled with prepping and grading...no free time at all. I have a huge stack of books that I want to make my way through. I'm also picking up some side work for an insurance broker, filling in for his assistant who's on maternity leave. Thankfully, that's just a few hours a week, and I can work from home.
The furnace people just called. I guess I should make the house look presentable!
I left two messages for a repair person this morning, but no one has called me back yet. Hmpf.
I'm officially on winter break now, but I still have to grade finals and papers today. Grades must be posted by tonight. We used to have until after the new year, but they changed that this year. Hmpf.
Once I'm finished grading, I don't think I'll know what to do with myself. The past several months have been filled with prepping and grading...no free time at all. I have a huge stack of books that I want to make my way through. I'm also picking up some side work for an insurance broker, filling in for his assistant who's on maternity leave. Thankfully, that's just a few hours a week, and I can work from home.
The furnace people just called. I guess I should make the house look presentable!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Free time? What's that?
I have the day off today. I wasn't supposed to. A colleague and I were supposed to go to a workshop today, so I cancelled my classes at one college. Last night, they cancelled the workshop because of snow. I'm disappointed about that, but...I have a day off. Free time! And I have no idea what to do with myself!
I'm teaching 8 classes this semester (6 at one school, 2 at another). It is insane. Really. I have no time to do anything anymore. I teach back to back classes Monday through Thursday, 8am-5pm. Fridays are an "easy" day, with classes from 8:30-11:10. I am exhausted. They're all writing/literature classes, so I've been up late every night grading papers and commenting on drafts. It's too much. I'm looking forward to next semester, when I'll only have 4 classes at one college.
I haven't been reading anything aside from student papers, which is...depressing. I just don't have the time. I did place a rather large order a few weeks ago -- the new Stephen King, new Toni Morrison, and new Sarah Vowell.
Mary Karr came to campus for a reading last week. She taught a master class in the afternoon, discussing a writer's obligation to their audience. Then, I had the honor of going out to dinner with her with other folks from the department. She is an amazing woman. Completely unapologetic, not afraid to say exactly what she wants. She gave a fantastic reading that night, reading from Cherry, and her most recent book of poetry.
I think I might take a nap now. I haven't had a nap in months!
I'm teaching 8 classes this semester (6 at one school, 2 at another). It is insane. Really. I have no time to do anything anymore. I teach back to back classes Monday through Thursday, 8am-5pm. Fridays are an "easy" day, with classes from 8:30-11:10. I am exhausted. They're all writing/literature classes, so I've been up late every night grading papers and commenting on drafts. It's too much. I'm looking forward to next semester, when I'll only have 4 classes at one college.
I haven't been reading anything aside from student papers, which is...depressing. I just don't have the time. I did place a rather large order a few weeks ago -- the new Stephen King, new Toni Morrison, and new Sarah Vowell.
Mary Karr came to campus for a reading last week. She taught a master class in the afternoon, discussing a writer's obligation to their audience. Then, I had the honor of going out to dinner with her with other folks from the department. She is an amazing woman. Completely unapologetic, not afraid to say exactly what she wants. She gave a fantastic reading that night, reading from Cherry, and her most recent book of poetry.
I think I might take a nap now. I haven't had a nap in months!
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