Apparently, I haven't blogged since October 3rd. It really hasn't seemed that long ago to me, but I guess time has been cruising on by.
We're heading into one of my favorite times of year (Thanksgiving --> Christmas), but I'm not so excited about it this year. I think it's largely because I'm tired. Wiped. Exhausted. Frustrated.
The Boy refuses to sleep in his crib. He was fine in his bassinet, then his pack & play, but as soon as we tried the crib, he revolted. As I posted back in September, I haven't had the heart to let him cry it out (when I try, he cries for OVER AN HOUR and it breaks my heart), so we spend each night in the recliner. I know that this won't last forever, and that there will come a day when I will miss being able to cuddle with him, but...I miss my bed. I miss sleeping next to my husband (though I don't miss his snoring). I've decided that I'm going to keep things the way they are until the semester is over, and then devote my winter break to getting my son to sleep in his crib. I hope it works.
In other news, I've gone back to Weight Watchers. It's been almost a month, and I've lost about 5 pounds. I'm totally half-assing it, on-program some days and off-program on other days. My main problems are that I don't plan my days very well, and I'm so focused on taking care of everyone else that I forget to eat and end up overdoing it at night. Not good. I'm so tired of being overweight, though. I'd like to be healthy when I turn 40 in 5 years.
That's all for now. I have papers to grade while The Boy is at my sister's. Good times.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Oh, I had no idea...
Ummmm....hi. Sorry I've been away for so long. I've been hiding.
I've been avoiding writing for the past three months. I tend to do that when I'm going through a rough patch. Not smart, but that's just how I roll.
My son was born on March 12th, and my life is so...different. I thought I had an idea of what motherhood would be like, but I didn't. Not at all. The only part I was right about, I think, was that there would be a baby involved. I didn't know how draining it could be. Or how I could love someone so much that when they smile at me, it feels like my heart will explode with happiness.
Things have certainly eased up a bit compared to the way it was right after his birth. The first two weeks, I slept maybe 2-3 hours per day, didn't eat, and at times felt like I was losing my mind. We've settled into a routine(ish) now, and I'm a little more relaxed. A little. I'm constantly on "high alert," waiting for him to need something. My body almost buzzes waiting for whatever he needs next.
I'm teaching online, which is helpful, but my heart just isn't in it anymore. It just doesn't seem important in the grand scheme of things. More on that later.
The biggest struggle is losing the ability to do what I want when I want. Leaving the house is a production -- extra clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles -- and I feel like a pack mule. There are things I want to do that I just can't do with him. Like go strawberry picking. So, I have to arrange for a sitter (my sister), but I hate feeling like I'm imposing on other people's lives. There have been moments when I've felt chained, trapped, and have been angry that I can't do what I want. It gets frustrating at times that things have to be planned around him. I have to wait until he's napping to do anything. And he doesn't like to nap during the day, so that adds to the frustration. It's not like I want to do anything big -- it's usually that I just want to bake something or work outside. I'm trying not to be so selfish.
My family is wonderful and helps out a lot, and they seem to really enjoy spending time with him. But I hate asking people for help. But I guess I should get used to it.
Now, despite all of the frustration, there are moments when I can't imagine not having him in my life. When I can't imagine not being a mother. He smiles at me, and it is the most amazing feeling I've ever experienced. He'll hold my finger as we cuddle and nap, and there's no other place I'd rather be. I'm scared and excited about our life together. He is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
With that, it's bottle time.
I've been avoiding writing for the past three months. I tend to do that when I'm going through a rough patch. Not smart, but that's just how I roll.
My son was born on March 12th, and my life is so...different. I thought I had an idea of what motherhood would be like, but I didn't. Not at all. The only part I was right about, I think, was that there would be a baby involved. I didn't know how draining it could be. Or how I could love someone so much that when they smile at me, it feels like my heart will explode with happiness.
Things have certainly eased up a bit compared to the way it was right after his birth. The first two weeks, I slept maybe 2-3 hours per day, didn't eat, and at times felt like I was losing my mind. We've settled into a routine(ish) now, and I'm a little more relaxed. A little. I'm constantly on "high alert," waiting for him to need something. My body almost buzzes waiting for whatever he needs next.
I'm teaching online, which is helpful, but my heart just isn't in it anymore. It just doesn't seem important in the grand scheme of things. More on that later.
The biggest struggle is losing the ability to do what I want when I want. Leaving the house is a production -- extra clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles -- and I feel like a pack mule. There are things I want to do that I just can't do with him. Like go strawberry picking. So, I have to arrange for a sitter (my sister), but I hate feeling like I'm imposing on other people's lives. There have been moments when I've felt chained, trapped, and have been angry that I can't do what I want. It gets frustrating at times that things have to be planned around him. I have to wait until he's napping to do anything. And he doesn't like to nap during the day, so that adds to the frustration. It's not like I want to do anything big -- it's usually that I just want to bake something or work outside. I'm trying not to be so selfish.
My family is wonderful and helps out a lot, and they seem to really enjoy spending time with him. But I hate asking people for help. But I guess I should get used to it.
Now, despite all of the frustration, there are moments when I can't imagine not having him in my life. When I can't imagine not being a mother. He smiles at me, and it is the most amazing feeling I've ever experienced. He'll hold my finger as we cuddle and nap, and there's no other place I'd rather be. I'm scared and excited about our life together. He is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
With that, it's bottle time.
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