I've been awake for almost 8 hours and I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I've been grading discussion boards (so tedious!) for my online course all day. I had a craving for molasses, so I whipped up a batch of molasses crumb muffins.
I hate waiting for responses to job applications. Every time my cell phone has rung today, I got a pit in my stomach, afraid/hoping it would be the CC I sent my CV to last night. Because, of course, they would read it first thing this morning and need to call me right away before another college snatched me up. Right.
I think I've been having a difficult time lately because of the change of seasons. The weather hasn't changed that much (though today it's rainy and in the 60's), but the end of summer makes me sad. I'm going to miss the sunshine, fresh produce, not having to bundle up under layers of clothing, and mowing the lawn. I spent most of the summer holed up in the house being a mom, but still there was the possibility of having fun. My fall and spring semesters are filled with work, work, work.
Speaking of work, I'd better get back to the boards.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Almost October? Geez...
I swear, I've written hundreds of blog posts in my mind, but I rarely get the chance to sit down and type them out. My boys are visiting with my in-laws this afternoon, so I actually have a couple of hours to myself.
I'm still struggling with balancing my time between work, motherhood, home-stuff, and myself. I get maybe an hour or two a week completely to myself. It's really not enough for everything I want to do. I'm constantly on alert, waiting for The Kid to need something, even when The Husband is taking care of him. I really need to learn how to relax because my blood pressure is way up, and I don't want to take medication. And I want to relax!
I'm applying for a full-time tenure-track position at an area community college. I haven't taught there, but I've been there for conferences, and they are light years ahead of where I currently teach. They're larger, and they have more funding. I would still love to land a FT gig at my current college, but they won't be hiring an English prof until maybe 2012. I've been adjuncting for about five years now, and it's time I land a FT position. That said, I'm nervous about it because of The Kid. Right now, I'm only on campus two days a week for four hours each day. I'm not sure how I would handle FT work, but I guess I'll deal with that hurdle if it comes.
The past month has gone by in a blur. My days are filled with prepping for classes, grading, playing with The Kid, changing diapers, cooking, etc. I haven't really read anything, which is adding to my irritability, I'm sure. I really need to make more time to read.
I'm also very, very tired. The Kid generally sleeps from 10-5:30, but he rarely makes it the entire night in his crib. I'm not sure why, but he wakes up during the night and just wants to be held. I can't deal with letting him cry it out, so we end up sleeping in the recliner in the living room. I love the cuddling, but the interrupted sleep is killing me. I'm tired all the time, and it's making me sick. I had strep last week, and I feel a cold coming on now. Not good.
With that in mind, I'm going to set aside the work and take a nap.
I'm still struggling with balancing my time between work, motherhood, home-stuff, and myself. I get maybe an hour or two a week completely to myself. It's really not enough for everything I want to do. I'm constantly on alert, waiting for The Kid to need something, even when The Husband is taking care of him. I really need to learn how to relax because my blood pressure is way up, and I don't want to take medication. And I want to relax!
I'm applying for a full-time tenure-track position at an area community college. I haven't taught there, but I've been there for conferences, and they are light years ahead of where I currently teach. They're larger, and they have more funding. I would still love to land a FT gig at my current college, but they won't be hiring an English prof until maybe 2012. I've been adjuncting for about five years now, and it's time I land a FT position. That said, I'm nervous about it because of The Kid. Right now, I'm only on campus two days a week for four hours each day. I'm not sure how I would handle FT work, but I guess I'll deal with that hurdle if it comes.
The past month has gone by in a blur. My days are filled with prepping for classes, grading, playing with The Kid, changing diapers, cooking, etc. I haven't really read anything, which is adding to my irritability, I'm sure. I really need to make more time to read.
I'm also very, very tired. The Kid generally sleeps from 10-5:30, but he rarely makes it the entire night in his crib. I'm not sure why, but he wakes up during the night and just wants to be held. I can't deal with letting him cry it out, so we end up sleeping in the recliner in the living room. I love the cuddling, but the interrupted sleep is killing me. I'm tired all the time, and it's making me sick. I had strep last week, and I feel a cold coming on now. Not good.
With that in mind, I'm going to set aside the work and take a nap.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Stuff
I've spent the past several years wishing I could do many things, but didn't do them. That's all going to change.
I tend to collect (borderline hoarding, but not in the gross way) things. Books, bags, papers (I will read all of those magazines and scholarly articles someday!), yarn (I have no idea how to knit or crochet), and more. The nursery still isn't ready for my son (he'll be 6 months old soon) because I haven't been able to totally clean out my office. It's been ok so far, since I wanted him to sleep in our room for the first 6 months or so, but it's time for me to be a responsible mom and give him his own space.
I've resolved to get rid of everything before, but it feels different this time. I invested in an e-reader so that I could get rid of all (ok, most) of my books to save room. I've been slowly selling books on half.com, and have made some decent money. I'm either going to finally learn how to knit/crochet, or I'm getting rid of the bins of yarn that I have. I decided this morning that I'm going to have a yard sale in two weeks. Whatever doesn't sell will be donated. I'm tired of living in clutter. It used to comfort me, but now it just makes me feel ashamed. I'm tired of having so much stuff that, in the end, really doesn't make me happy.
I tend to collect (borderline hoarding, but not in the gross way) things. Books, bags, papers (I will read all of those magazines and scholarly articles someday!), yarn (I have no idea how to knit or crochet), and more. The nursery still isn't ready for my son (he'll be 6 months old soon) because I haven't been able to totally clean out my office. It's been ok so far, since I wanted him to sleep in our room for the first 6 months or so, but it's time for me to be a responsible mom and give him his own space.
I've resolved to get rid of everything before, but it feels different this time. I invested in an e-reader so that I could get rid of all (ok, most) of my books to save room. I've been slowly selling books on half.com, and have made some decent money. I'm either going to finally learn how to knit/crochet, or I'm getting rid of the bins of yarn that I have. I decided this morning that I'm going to have a yard sale in two weeks. Whatever doesn't sell will be donated. I'm tired of living in clutter. It used to comfort me, but now it just makes me feel ashamed. I'm tired of having so much stuff that, in the end, really doesn't make me happy.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Small Vent from a Woman Trying to Do Too Much
I'm having a day. The kind of day where I just want to crawl back into bed and stay there all day. With chocolate and ice cream, preferably.
My To-Do List is so insanely long that it's overwhelming me. I have help during the day (thanks to my mother), but it never seems to be enough. And there's certainly no time for me to do anything fun on my own. It seems like my every waking moment is spent caring for my son, the house, or my husband. I'm sure that's the case with all (or most) mothers, but it's still a rather lonely feeling.
My fuse is incredibly short lately, and I hate it. I hate snapping at people that I love. I hate constantly feeling on edge. And I hate that there are moments when I find myself not wanting to cuddle the little boy (whom I love more than anything) because I just need a moment to myself and don't want to be touched.
It's not all horrible, really. It's just by the end of the day, I need a break. And I rarely get one. For the first time, I'm looking forward to the start of school so that I can get away two days a week. I hope it all works out.
The Boy just fell asleep, so I should try to get some work done. He typically only naps for 20-30 minutes, so I have to make good use of my time.
My To-Do List is so insanely long that it's overwhelming me. I have help during the day (thanks to my mother), but it never seems to be enough. And there's certainly no time for me to do anything fun on my own. It seems like my every waking moment is spent caring for my son, the house, or my husband. I'm sure that's the case with all (or most) mothers, but it's still a rather lonely feeling.
My fuse is incredibly short lately, and I hate it. I hate snapping at people that I love. I hate constantly feeling on edge. And I hate that there are moments when I find myself not wanting to cuddle the little boy (whom I love more than anything) because I just need a moment to myself and don't want to be touched.
It's not all horrible, really. It's just by the end of the day, I need a break. And I rarely get one. For the first time, I'm looking forward to the start of school so that I can get away two days a week. I hope it all works out.
The Boy just fell asleep, so I should try to get some work done. He typically only naps for 20-30 minutes, so I have to make good use of my time.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
I love and hate August.
Things I love about August:
1. County Fairs
2. Racing (see below)
3. My Birthday (the 7th)
Things I hate about August:
Summer is almost over, and school is about to start. Ugh. I am so not ready.
We went to the county fair the other day. My mom and I went with my son, niece, and nephew. It was rather humid out, which made for some misery, but we had a pretty good time. I'll post photos this weekend when I have more time.
Today, my father and I are going to the Battle at the Grove. We've gone for the past few years, and even raced in it. It's great sprint car racing for a fantastic cause. It's just a bonus that I get to see Kasey Kahne (the dude is super small and thin), Kyle Busch (the dude has attitude, but he can race like a mofo), and Tony Stewart (*sigh* the dude is the best driver out there, and super super cute) is just a bonus. And I get to spend the day with my dad, which is always cool.
I'm a little nervous about being 3 hours away from my son, but I definitely need a break!
Things I love about August:
1. County Fairs
2. Racing (see below)
3. My Birthday (the 7th)
Things I hate about August:
Summer is almost over, and school is about to start. Ugh. I am so not ready.
We went to the county fair the other day. My mom and I went with my son, niece, and nephew. It was rather humid out, which made for some misery, but we had a pretty good time. I'll post photos this weekend when I have more time.
Today, my father and I are going to the Battle at the Grove. We've gone for the past few years, and even raced in it. It's great sprint car racing for a fantastic cause. It's just a bonus that I get to see Kasey Kahne (the dude is super small and thin), Kyle Busch (the dude has attitude, but he can race like a mofo), and Tony Stewart (*sigh* the dude is the best driver out there, and super super cute) is just a bonus. And I get to spend the day with my dad, which is always cool.
I'm a little nervous about being 3 hours away from my son, but I definitely need a break!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It's getting better...I think
At least once a day, I resolve to get back to blogging. But something always gets in the way. I blame it on motherhood because that's the easy patsy, but the truth is that what I want to write is way too personal. I'm working my way through it all, but sometimes I feel that if I write about it, it makes it too real. It's not anything horrible by any means, so don't worry.
I think the other issue is that this blog doesn't have a focus. It certainly needs one, though I'm not sure what direction I want it to go in. I need to think about it.
Charlie and I are starting to fall into a routine, which is nice. The kid hates napping, though. It's as if he's afraid he'll miss something if he sleeps. I can almost count on a nap in the morning, but his afternoon nap is anyone's guess. Sometimes it's a couple of hours, and other times, like today, it's non-existent. I'm envious of those mothers who are able to put their kids down for the night at 7 or 8pm. Charlie doesn't go down until at least 11pm. Sometimes he'll sleep in his crib. Other times, he'll only sleep on me, which means I spend the night in the recliner and wake up with a stiff neck. Sure, I'm probably spoiling him, but I know there will come a day when he won't cuddle with me, so I'm soaking it up while I can.
Things will change in September, though, when I'm on campus two days a week. I'm a little nervous about it, but I know it will all work out.
In bookish news, I just finished The Passage by Justin Cronin. I try to avoid hyped-up books, but I kept hearing good things about this book. So, I caved and borrowed the e-book from my library. Sure, there are vampires in it, but they're far from Twilight-type vampires, which was a nice change for me. I'm still processing the book and will type up a proper review, but overall I really enjoyed it. I actually cared about the characters (though at times it felt like there were too many characters I cared about) and the plot kept my interest. More later when I have time.
I think the other issue is that this blog doesn't have a focus. It certainly needs one, though I'm not sure what direction I want it to go in. I need to think about it.
Charlie and I are starting to fall into a routine, which is nice. The kid hates napping, though. It's as if he's afraid he'll miss something if he sleeps. I can almost count on a nap in the morning, but his afternoon nap is anyone's guess. Sometimes it's a couple of hours, and other times, like today, it's non-existent. I'm envious of those mothers who are able to put their kids down for the night at 7 or 8pm. Charlie doesn't go down until at least 11pm. Sometimes he'll sleep in his crib. Other times, he'll only sleep on me, which means I spend the night in the recliner and wake up with a stiff neck. Sure, I'm probably spoiling him, but I know there will come a day when he won't cuddle with me, so I'm soaking it up while I can.
Things will change in September, though, when I'm on campus two days a week. I'm a little nervous about it, but I know it will all work out.
In bookish news, I just finished The Passage by Justin Cronin. I try to avoid hyped-up books, but I kept hearing good things about this book. So, I caved and borrowed the e-book from my library. Sure, there are vampires in it, but they're far from Twilight-type vampires, which was a nice change for me. I'm still processing the book and will type up a proper review, but overall I really enjoyed it. I actually cared about the characters (though at times it felt like there were too many characters I cared about) and the plot kept my interest. More later when I have time.
Monday, June 21, 2010
More Time
I need more time in the day. Or, I need to do less.
I have it "easy" this summer. I'm only teaching one online class, and there are only 9 students enrolled. But I'm having a difficult time getting everything on my To-Do list done. Between taking care of my son and regular household chores, I've been slacking on the teaching. I do the bare minimum, which just isn't my usual style. I'm trying to be OK with it for now. But I keep thinking that in the fall, I'll be teaching four classes -- 2 on campus, and 2 online. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I have to.
I did manage to accomplish one 2010 goal over the weekend -- I made mozzarella cheese. I was too engrossed in the process to take photos, unfortunately. Next time, I will. It was a mostly successful effort. The texture was a little off (my milk didn't curd as well as it was supposed to), but the taste was there. It was an easy process, but it's important to pay attention to temperature. I'm going to try it again soon, and will post photos and more details then.
I have it "easy" this summer. I'm only teaching one online class, and there are only 9 students enrolled. But I'm having a difficult time getting everything on my To-Do list done. Between taking care of my son and regular household chores, I've been slacking on the teaching. I do the bare minimum, which just isn't my usual style. I'm trying to be OK with it for now. But I keep thinking that in the fall, I'll be teaching four classes -- 2 on campus, and 2 online. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I have to.
I did manage to accomplish one 2010 goal over the weekend -- I made mozzarella cheese. I was too engrossed in the process to take photos, unfortunately. Next time, I will. It was a mostly successful effort. The texture was a little off (my milk didn't curd as well as it was supposed to), but the taste was there. It was an easy process, but it's important to pay attention to temperature. I'm going to try it again soon, and will post photos and more details then.
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