What did you do today?

I've been off for a little over a week, and every day my husband asks me, "What did you do today?" Well. Not as much as I planned on doing. But it's not my fault -- the weather has been horrible (cold, rainy) for gardening. I've done a ton of reading, though -- expect a full report in a day or so.

I've been obsessed with asparagus lately. You know, the green stalks that make your pee smell when consumed. It's asparagus season around here...and I can't find any. Yes, I can find the stuff trucked across the country from California, but nothing local. I've inquired at farm stands, but no luck. I've only managed to find some local lettuce. But everything at the local farmer's market (note: there's another one that I haven't tried yet) is non-local. Yeah, that makes sense.

Inspired by Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (I re-read it last week...seriously, everyone needs to read it...NOW) I've been trying to eat seasonally and grow as much as I can. I've started a garden at my parents' (they have more land and sun), but the weather has been so weird that I haven't even put in the tomatoes, peppers, squash, etc. I'm worried that we won't harvest much before fall.

I just have these grand visions of living off the land. My grandparents did it. They had a huge garden, raised chickens and cows (which they butchered and ate...I didn't realize this until a few years ago...yes, I'm a little slow) and only had to go grocery shopping once a month or so for items they couldn't produce on their own. I wish I'd paid more attention to how they did it. I was so young, though, and didn't think about a time when they'd be gone and I'd want to know how the heck to grow and preserve things.

Hmmm...wonder if there's a canning/preserving class somewhere...

Sunday Musings...

Lots to write about...

My Exam went well. The questions were what I expected, but I was instructed to answer four, not the typical three. I typed for three hours straight (time allotted). I'm not 100% happy with my responses, but I can fill in any holes at my defense, which will be on Thursday or Friday. I'm 99.9% I passed, though. But anything can happen.

It feels weird to be finished, and I'm not sure what I want to do next. I'm thinking about getting an MFA, but I have to talk to some folks about that to see if it makes sense.

Yesterday, Chad, Dad, and I headed to Dover, DE for my ride-along (won at the URC Banquet in December). After signing in, guests, drivers, and riders were piled into vans and driven around the track for a tour. Everything was a lot smaller than it looks on tv. We then headed to the pit area, where they had about 10 former Nascar cars for the rider & drivers.

The only safety equipment we were given was a helmet -- basic, no visor. That made me a little nervous. Yes, I realize that I'd only be in the car for four laps, but anything can happen. I was assigned to my boy Kasey Kahne's (no, I didn't request it) former car. I got in, and one of the officials helped me get strapped in. Here's where I really started to get nervous.

The official, who reminded me of Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STRAP ME IN. Seriously. He fiddled around with it, and another official kept coming over to correct him. Not good.

Then, my driver arrived. Now, this is going to sound mean, but...he wasn't what I expected. None of the instructors were, really. They didn't seem like "real" race car drivers. Not that I'm sure what that means. Certainly, none of them were cute. (I'm a sucker for a man in a firesuit). Anyway...

My driver was....a bit older than I expected. He needed help getting his left leg in the car. His hands were shaking as he buckled in. I don't know if it was a joke, or real. But it made me nervous. What if he had a heart attack when we were on the track? Anyway, he was very nice and said that he wasn't out to scare people like some other drivers, and if I got nervous to tap him on the shoulder, and he'd slow down. The max we'd do was about 120mph, which didn't sound that bad.

When we pulled out onto the track, I was terrified. The turns are banked 24 degrees, and it was just...weird. Too fast, for sure. So I tapped him on the shoulder, and he slowed down. After about a 1/2 lap, I got used to it, and motioned for him to speed up again. It was scary but a blast at the same time. I wish we could have stayed out there longer.

On the way home, I asked Dad if I could use his car for Billy Pauch's driving school. He said no -- he'd tried it once, and even he was afraid of being in a sprint car. Chad laughed. I wish I would have tried driving when I was younger, but I doubt my dad would let me. Chad would divorce me for sure, if I decided I wanted to be a driver. Stupid boys.

I should mow my lawn today, but I don't feel like getting the mower out, getting gas for it, etc. Instead, I'm going to grade research papers. I give finals on Monday and Tuesday, and then I'm off until June 24th.

We're going to my favorite Thai restaurant for dinner tonight. Then we're going to see the Kids in the Hall. Should be fun...

Yikes...

I have another hour and fifteen minutes to study before I have to shower and leave for my exam. I've been cramming, trying to memorize lines of poems. I know the material, but having to cite specific poems, lines, etc without any materials in front of me terrifies me. But it is what it is, and I'll have the defense to redeem any mistakes.

So, I'm just trying to stay calm and confident. Trying, not succeeding so far.

Ugh.

Tempted...

If I didn't need to focus tonight, I'd take a Xanax. I'm in freak-out mode.

I spoke to my niece earlier, and she asked me if I could come over "for a couples" and play. I told her that I'd love to, but I have to work. She was persistent, asking if I had to work tonight, tomorrow morning, and so on, and I ended up in tears. I would love to just play, and not worry about grading, failing students, or my Exam.

Let me vent for a moment. Here are the things giving me angst:
1. My Exam. All I have to do is study (memorize around 15 poems), and just take the test on Friday. And then defend it sometime next week. I'm terrified of failing.
2. Grading. For some reason, students expect A's, but aren't willing to put forth the effort. And they get angry with me when I give them the grade they earned.
3. Grass. My lawn is at least ankle high. Today is the last sunny day (per the forecast) for about a week. But I don't have time to mow today.
4. I am in physical pain, and I'm going to have to suck it up and call a doctor soon.

OK...my 10 minute break is up.

Withdrawal...

Because I'm insanely busy this week with very important things (end of semester grading, my MA Exam), my husband decided to block certain websites so that I don't get distracted. Sites like MySpace, LiveJournal, Etsy, Ebay, various celebrity gossip sites, racing websites, and so on. They're only unblocked from 9pm-midnight.

It's driving me crazy. Most of my work (writing, prepping, etc) is done on the computer. When I need to relax for a few minutes, or whatever, I look at these sites. They help me (I think) de-stress a little. I like seeing what my friends have posted on their blogs or MySpace pages. I've only been on the computer for an hour this morning, and it's already driving me insane that I have a message waiting for me on MySpace, and I can't read it until 9pm tonight.

But.

I've also been saying for over a year now that I want to simplify, move away from so much technology and time-sucking websites.

So...we'll see.

But not today...

It's time for another half-ass blog...there's just not enough time in the day.

* One of my students may have a serious illness. They kept apologizing to me for missing class and for not being focused. All they can think about is the possible diagnosis and what that will mean for them and their children. I told her not to worry about class, and to do whatever she needs to do. I just feel so sorry for her, and it sucks that there's nothing I can do aside from accept a few late assignments.

*Sunday -- went to dinner with Chad's friends at a Thai restaurant (my 3rd Thai dinner in a week). When we got there, we found that it was (sort of) closed for a birthday party for the owner. They invited us in, though, and we feasted on a fantastic Thai buffet. Most of the foods weren't things normally on the menu, so I got to try a few new things...for free! It was just a surreal experience, and we all felt a little uncomfortable. I guess we're not used to such hospitality. So...happy birthday, Wallace!

*Garden -- I've been spending some time at my parents' working in the garden. I don't really have the time to spare, really, but I have to get stuff planted. I'm going down for a couple of hours soon to put in some more veggies. It's really relaxing, and I can't wait until everything starts growing.

Other than that, I'm just grading, prepping for final lessons, panicking that I haven't taught my students anything, studying for my exam (May 2nd), writing (reviews for Estella), and...trying to stay sane.

Sunday night blahs...

I'm too tired and crabby for a real post, so here are some random things:

• Friday -- Had my usual exam meeting with Dr. E. Dazzled her with my brilliant insights (yes, that's what she called them) on Plath.
  Afterward, I went to my parents' to scope out the garden. Had S'mores with Mom, Dad, and Jamie. Really good times, and I was happy. It was so nice to just relax. I really adore my parents.
  

• Racing -- Last night did not go as planned. Does it ever, though? Didn't qualify in the heat, so had to go to the B. Had a great run, finished 2nd. I was happy that we qualified simply because it meant we'd go home with more than $50 in tow money. In the feature, however, our friend spun, and Jamie, who was behind him, had nowhere to go. Of course, it happened right in front of us -- good because we could at least see right away that Jamie was OK, but bad because...well, it pretty much sucks seeing your car getting wrecked no matter where it happens. We just seem to have the crappiest luck, and it's so frustrating. But I know that Jamie will get a win or two this season. I mean, we have to get a break eventually, right?

• Garden -- My parents have tilled up a huge plot for our garden. I'm really excited. For the past couple of years, I've tried to garden here, but my yard is so shady, and the soil is horrible. I tried container gardening, but I just didn't get the yields I wanted. But this year, I'm doing most of my gardening at my parents'. I have big, big plans involving tons of organic veggies...I can't wait to get started! I really just want to simplify my life, and get to a point where I grow my own food. I've written about all this before -- grand plans of living off the land, sewing my own clothes, etc -- but I've never followed through. I have to start taking baby steps, though...right?
  

OK. I'm going to try to do something productive before I go to bed.